Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
