He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
