And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
