I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
