Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
