please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You're a waste of cheezeits
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
