i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
