so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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