Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
3pm strippers are depressing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
