So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize