Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
