Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
