My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
