i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize