THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
