I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just gargled with NyQuil
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize