I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
