I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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