If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
