I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
