I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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