At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
