Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
