Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
