My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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