in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just google imaged poop.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
