When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize