He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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