He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
