Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
