Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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