so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
