i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
