i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
