peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it hurts more in the daytime
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
