I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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