Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
