She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
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