oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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