I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
