I hope mine doesn't look like that
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
