It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
