my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think a kid would responsible me up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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