Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
