What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
