Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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