you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
