i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
