dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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