I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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