Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
