Im at strip club and am horny
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
