can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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