you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
