i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
