My first STD was from a foam party
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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