After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize