Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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