I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
