your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
