I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
