i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
tell me about the fingering
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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