i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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