haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
