too bad you live with your parents still
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
