Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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