I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize