Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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