Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
