So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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