four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
