Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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