oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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