Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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