Plan B is the new Plan A
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
