Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
