____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize