Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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