You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
