Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
