**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
