How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
